I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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