so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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