weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
