I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
