Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
