I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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