All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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