I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
