Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
