At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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