just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you never un-have a 4some
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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