He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
