I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
