So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Randomize
