Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
