hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
