why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
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Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"