I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
