well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
