my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.