At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
