we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
