There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
