Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
