I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
