I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize