By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im holly from the hills drunk
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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