I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
