is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
