Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just pee around me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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