Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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