i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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