i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she smelled like a LAN party
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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