I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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