Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
