is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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