I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
