please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
