How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
