well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
