I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
