Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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