some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
