I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
