Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
