Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize