dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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