saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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