im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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