So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
