the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
