If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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