Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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