and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
please come you make the beer taste better
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
