just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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