he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
