never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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