Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
