So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
