Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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