I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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