then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
