pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
