Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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