if you like me you must not know who I am
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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